While yesterday was filled with joy and excitement over
finding out the gender of our baby, towards the end of it and now today…a new
emotion has come through. This emotion is called jumpstarting-reality-osis.
Now, don’t get me wrong. The entire time we have been
pregnant, it was understood that this little being I was carrying would one
day, come August Lord willing, be a cause for more financial stability, more
emotional stability, more spiritual
stability (and starting that process ASAP) and every other attribute of a healthy home. If it wasn’t enough this
time last year to be dealing with changing my life forever in becoming Mark’s wife,
now I’m dealing with the reality of becoming baby Jonathan’s mother; a wife and
a mom in one year and three weeks difference. Before that, I was dating a guy
1300 miles away and pretty much living to myself for five years, trying to
figure out what it meant to live this life the Lord blessed me with to it’s
fullest potential, which came with a lot of trial and error.
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| A beautiful reminder as we waited in the hospital for another ultrasound. |
If you know me, you know that I believe that life starts at conception. Before Mark
and I ever knew I was carrying a child, it already was a child. But truth is, every doctor’s visit, every heartbeat
monitor, ultrasound and kick, our child was becoming more and more real to us. And now, we know the gender.
We call our baby by his name. And honestly, this is probably the biggest dose
of reality we’ve had yet because we have officially personalized our little
man, not that he wasn’t anything before, but oh, what a name can do to people.
Honestly, I do get worried at times. I look at the
adjustments I personally had to (and continue to) make in working at being my husband’s helpmeet
and supporter and realize that all those adjustments might have been easier.
Maybe not. But regardless, they were practice. Every meal I made, every piece
of trash I picked up, laundry I folded, prayer I prayed and misunderstanding and argument I learned to shake off – it was all practice. And over the
years, I will get better and better at those things. But if I could just have a
moment ----- it’s a bit overwhelming.
I’m already dreading those years when Jonathan won’t start
to need me as much. Now, I know what you’re thinking, “My goodness, Bethany!
Calm down! You haven’t even had the baby yet!” But truthfully, all I’ve ever
wanted to be was a stay-at-home mom and wife, first and foremost. I’ve always
wanted to raise a Godly family and love and serve a Godly husband and in having
children, always thought it was sad when those ages of 9-13 years came rolling around
and kids sort of began to start forgetting their parents for the first time, as is appropriate to a certain degree. I’ve
always been extremely close to my parents, Mom in particular, but even I
understand the changes that came with growing up and learning about my identity
as an individual in society. Parents lay out the directions and children do or don't follow through.
I just pray the Lord blesses me in the same way that He has
thus far in our marriage and yes, I know He will. It's sort of a petty thought, but a thought nevertheless. I’m no perfect wife and in fact, Mark and I just had
a talk about some things we each need to work on after spending 8 months together married with new little things here and there coming to the surface in getting to know each other better. But I attribute all of my growth to my
husband and to my God. Without either of them, my relationship with Mark (and our baby) would
be very different. Likewise, I know the
Lord will sustain me, mold me and prepare me in every way just as He did when I
was engaged, when I was in high school and when I was a little child myself. In many ways though, being responsible for another’s life as a parent can definitely be frightening. I’m still so very
young, but I know that my God will uphold me with His right hand!
Maybe you’re in the same place as I am. You’re 22 years old,
recently married and recently pregnant. Maybe you’re the mother (or father) of
three kids and one has left the faith and abandoned your family. Maybe you’re
single. Whatever the case, rest assured that I know, at least a little bit,
what you’re going through and I know how hard it can be to trust in the Lord
for changes in our lives and the lives of others, but the Lord knows best the
hearts of man and His own plans for each one of them. He will equip us with all
the tools we need to succeed, no matter what the hurdle. So, friends, join me.
Join me in coming to each new situation with joy, vigor and excitement for what
the LORD can do. Smile, lift your hands to the heavens (make sure you put the baby down first though) and shout, “It ain’t
nuthin’ but a thang!”
He’s got it.
