Respect.

You all know how I feel about abstinence. But we live in a world where it's a joke to many and many young women find themselves pregnant with an absent father to help raise the child. By the grace of God, I was adopted by two wonderful Christian parents, but that isn't the case for every unplanned pregnancy. Many young mothers are scared and with the misconception that adoption is "giving my baby to strangers," (a huge irritating statement to me) or perhaps just wanting to raise the child themselves, they embark on the journey of single parenting. I've always had a heart for young mothers trying to do it alone, but never in my life did I quite feel heartache for them as I do now; I didn’t fully understand all that it entails.

My husband and I are very blessed by my not having to go back to work for a while so I can stay home with Jonathan AND continue my education online; employment in this area is easy to find. Having a husband who is able to work, and full-time/over-time at that, is a huge blessing as well – not to mention that fact that he loves his job and when he is home, I get a break and he is more than willing to take over with our baby. There's always food on the table, our bills are all paid; we live comfortably. But what if I didn't have Mark? Could I do this? Sure, but with great, great sacrifices; painful sacrifices. And I don’t know if I would be strong enough to give up my son to a family that, while I would have gotten to know through the duration of the pregnancy, would raise him in my place even if it meant a better life for him.

I’ve been that person, though, the person who sees a young mother without a ring on her finger trying to fumble through the grocery store caring a baby with dirty clothes who won’t stop crying. I’ve seen her swipe her EBT card and run out of money. And I’ve, sadly, been that person to criticize her quietly in my mind. “You should have waited, girl…” And, sadly, this is the mentality of a lot of Christians as well, some criticisms being much more harsh and vocal. This is horrible.

Singles moms are single moms for a billion reasons. Each young woman has a story. And yes, while I do believe we need to carry on a stronger message of abstinence to overpower the “it’s just sex” message of today, it’s not all about the baby which I too often think I and other Christians tend to just throw out in the wind instantly every time we see a mom raising kids alone. First and foremost, sex in its purest and intended form, is to be a bonding of husband and wife, one that cannot be done with anyone else. Secondly, it is for, yes, making babies. But I think when we jump the gun and start harshly criticizing people who jump the gun on sex, and again, I’ve done the criticizing countless times, we miss the beauty of the Gospel in what exactly sex is, being something greater than the physical act. And we miss the opportunity to help train these women to be strong, confident young ladies who maybe need direction that we can offer. And when we focus so much on bashing single moms, we miss the boat on all the not-yet-single-moms that we can be a witness to in protecting them from this hard life and the lives of their future children. If we aren’t willing to get our hands dirty for Christ and simply dwell in our bubble, how are we to be the light of His good news?! I need so much practice with this.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m sorry. I’m sorry to all the young parents that I have been so quick to create an opinion about, instead of reaching out a helping hand. I’m sorry for not being there for you, if I wasn’t, in supporting you to stay pure for your husband/wife and yourself. I’m sorry for ignoring the fact that you are working two jobs and have given up your social life with the intent of honestly giving your child the best life possible at the expense of everything you love. And I want you to know that now more than ever, I respect you. I don’t wish single parenting upon anyone, but for those who are trying to make right the mistakes/situations that got them to that point, I have so much respect for you and pray that God gives you the strength to do what’s best for your child. And, if He wills, an honest young man to one day be a supporter and leader in both your lives. Thank you for doing what all you can for your child – that is what motherhood is all about.